Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock — or woolen blankets avoiding frigid weather and a pile of holiday debt — you’ve noticed the buzz around 3D. Television makers, now having made HD ubiquitous, see 3D as a way to spiff up their products with a new gizmo that will make people go out and consume. Programmers, particularly sports programmers, frightened of selling such dramatic fare as golf without Tiger Woods or football without Andy Reid, are looking for ways to bring any kind of sporting action right into your family rooms with the athletes gliding and hitting and running right amongst you and your friends.
There are now two basic ways to get the 3D experience: those silly glasses that people have worn to the movies for generations to see second tier films with first tier special effects; or new televisions specially designed to deliver 3D. Yes, you still have to wear glasses in most cases, but they’re much cooler at least.
I’m kind of neutral on whether 3D will happen or not or whether the consuming public, just in the first full throes of HD ecstasy will throw everything aside to have more “reality” television. On the other hand, if it does happen, there are some things I know I’d like to see in my family room with me.
· A flying dunk from mid-court by Kobe Bryant
· A leaping touchdown catch by DeSean Jackson amid three defenders
· A useless flailing 3-wood from the rough by Phil Mickleson sending grass and dirt chunks flying all my family room
· A graceful salmon swimming upstream only to be swatted ashore by a grizzly bear
· An Albert Pujols home run that leaves home plate and ends in my hands on the sofa
Then there are the things that are better off left to 2D.
· Blood spatter from a tooth ripping kick in ultimate fighting
· Competition from any of the reality shows, but particularly The Biggest Loser. Those folks can stay inside the TV for all I care.
· Dick Vitale – there’s not enough space in the biggest room of my house to fit this guy’s outsized ego in 3D
· Any kind of soccer action. I’d probably fall asleep and miss the only goal anyway
· Commercials, but particularly those pretentious pieces with cars and bows
Seriously, there are benefits to 3D that could really make television jump to life. Imagine Scrooge’s three ghosts mingling with you and their old friend, or the Three Stooges giving you a poke in the eye. Think about the Dallas Cowboys, or perhaps more entertaining, the high kicking Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Bob Vila and his ilk could step right into the room to show you first-hand how to spackle walls or Tim Allen could pretend to do the same thing between talking over the fence to his neighbor.
Of course 3D could be the next quadraphonic sound, presenting visually what listeners heard when Richard Harris’ belted out “The Prophet: Kahlil Gibran” in four-corner sound. What? You’ve never heard of quadraphonic sound? Maybe that’s because it never quite made it to the big time — but it did lead the way for surround sound.
If that’s the case, maybe 3D is only the precursor to the next generation of television: SmellTV, where you actually step into the trenches with the sweaty athletes, are surrounded by their images, engulfed by the sounds of their battles and overwhelmed with the scent of hard work and fear. Then again, maybe that’s pushing it a bit.